The best bf

The best bf is one who buys every flavor when his gf got a cupcake craving. Also buys liang teh and other food she loves when she only asked for otah 

Nothing was the same 

Kak Siti

Occasionally I think of my old maid and wonder how she's doing back home. Last time we communicated she had set up her own bakery but that was 2 years ago? I think something happened at her village or what cause i couldnt call her phone anymore and then i lost her contact and then I guess she lost ours too so now we are estranged HAHAHAHAHA She worked with my family for 7 years? Idk I can't rmb but I miss her from time to time. She's the best maid in the world. When my phone got confiscated she lent me her phone AND she paid for the prepaid card ok. She helped me wash my panty hahahahaha bc I was and still am a lazy mofo hahaha cb lol. She makes the best tempeh (?) ok Sigh I miss my kak Siti 

Motivation

Sept has been.....rough. Financially. LOL being broke is no joke + I did not buy anything this month. This feeling sucks, not being able to just go out and eat wtv the hell I want just bc IM BROKE LIKE WTF. I'm a princess man. Leroy and I have been keeping track of our expenditures like god save me we don't ever do that. Ok I know we don't have to eat good food all the time and of course we don't but omg this past month the only place we dined at that costs abit more wasssssss sushi tei. URG. And poulet?? Ok normally places like poulet wouldn't even be in our "costs more than usual" place but BC WE ARE SO DAMN BROKE IT IS WTF URGGGGG I will work damn hard next time so I don't ever have to experience this stupid feeling ever again urg night 

i feel fat i think i am fat i'm pretty sure i've gained weight meh internship sucks duh and its the cause of my weight gain bc i have to keep snacking to stay awake.  i legit had this ytd: 2 slices of wholemeal bread for breakfast, a plate of chicken rice for lunch, two mexico coffee bread (omg damn good finally tried them!!!) and then another 1.5 portion of chicken rice for dinner like i am fat now man *sob* time passes damn bloody slowly after lunch. and then at 2 my eyes.......lids they start drooping. at 3 i struggle to keep them open and lemme just say the struggle is real i have to get up to jump or start munching (i got a box of kokokrunch n honeystars for just trying to stay awake) at 4 im like god please and i just nap for like 5 mins and then from 405 to 5 im just like. GOD SAVE ME I HATE THIS MY LIFE SUCKS I MISS MY BOYFRIEND I MISS HOLIDAY WHY WHY WHY at 530 i start packing up and at 545 (bc i really cannot take it anymore) i have to psycho the other interns to leave. stupid life.

Internship

Sucks ya sucks balls. Sinyee and I are googling where to get heat pads in Singapore bc our work place is insanely cold like this isn't even right they don't even house inuka in this temperature at the zoo haha just kidding or maybe idk but its freeeaking cold here ok bye 

August

Was nothing short of fantastic, just as I predicted hahaha got my baby back last exam of my poly life birthday ahhhh so good

the flash was too bright and it hurt my eyes so i shut them I wasn't drunk lol 

MY KITTY TATTOO HEHEHEHEHEHE  

 

Sian ok I wish I took more pictures those club pictures won't even taken by me lol of course other fantastic things happened (but i didnt take pics -.- regret) ew not just clubbing BUT THAT NIGHT WAS FANTASTIC BC EVERYONE WAS THERE WEEEEE ya 

 

the only bad thing that happened was ME CHOOSING THE BLACK IPHONE I MEAN URG WHY REGRET ok I mean black is super nice too but white oh god the white.........nvm now I wanna find a place that will do my phone up like Kim kardashians's 

Omg just saw this while I was looking for the above picture 

Omg wtf wtf wtf shizzles banana rose gold and white holy shit chioest iPhone ever *v* and I actually miss my bb when I become a business woman im gna get an iPhone and a bb hahaha internship starts tmr and I'm dreading it duh bc I will have lesser time to spend with Leroy and friends meh :/ the only positive thing about it is the fact that I will eat all 3 meals at regular timings and sleep early and be healthy lol the pay is so shit like wtf I honestly think I'm getting paid lesser than a toilet cleaner actually I'm pretty sure I am urg k Big Bang theory time hahaha god idky I never started earlier Leroy finally convinced me to watch it and it is funny af hahaha k bye 

GO AWAY

GO AWAY AND DIE 

Hello kitty

I am actually thinking of getting a hello kitty tattoo tho I know I won't get it anyway haha firstly bc my parents will disown me and secondly my threshold for pain is.........hahaha noob la min noob wtv k nvm. I've never liked hello kitty before and I never understood why so many girls are so crazy over them hahaha I have a cousin (distant) who is the biggest hello kitty fan I know I swear to god EVERYTHING IN HER ROOM/CAR IS HELLO KITTY dude let me tell you guys that girl is mental I'm not even exaggerating when I tell you even her tooth brush is hello kitty. Idk if she's still like that but I last visited/saw her 5 years back?? And she was of legal age to drive already so I guess early 20s? Even her car ok she painted it hello kitty oh my but anw ya last night saw me falling in love (should be lust) with hello kitty 

 Hahahahaha my kitty tattoo and toilet roll. Tyng bought the roll a week ago and till today whenever I use I use the flip side instead just cause I'm afraid the print might leave kittys on ma kitty hahahahaha for real tmi ok stop but really it's more expensive but it's also of better quality. It's like the boxed tissue but in a roll form so yeah what's not to like something cute in the toilet and smoother too hahaha k night night kitties 

Love more with each passing day

"Goodnight then baby" "I love you" "I love you more" "it's a new day so I love you more"

Hahaha shit we say

Me "b if I go to Thailand and have a sex change will you still date me?" Leroy *thinks for 2 seconds* "only if yours is shorter than mine" me *laughing* "what a fucked up reply" him "what a fucked up question" god I love this guy and I'm so happy he loves me too *\^v^/*

#bbgurl

got an iPhone and................idk how to use it lol. leroy and i planned to meet at 6 outside zara and i was 5 minutes late but seeing that he wasn't there yet (he went to the wrong busstop to surprise/wait for me haha) i tried to on the phone so i can call him but THE BLOODY MACHINE WOULDN'T TURN ON so i just went into zara to shop hahahaha in my defense, you only need to press the bb button once and it'll turn on ok, how the hell would i know to hold the iphone lock button lololol. i'm not having much problems tho, surprisingly. i thought i wouldnt be able to type properly since i've used a bb my whole life #qwerty4ever?! haha but NO I TYPE FINE. the only shit i hate is that, there isn't the red light at the top, ykwim? so i don't even know i have a text until i press smth which is so irrelevant imo meh. k bye totally irrelevant.

i've been wearing the prettiest hamsa hand bracelet from tyng and i love it it's so pretty *v* its actually gold but idk the bb camera can't capture the right color o well still looks pretty

 i think alot of people have the wrong idea about the evil eye, many think its a blessing or something good but it actually isn't! thats why its called the evil eye............lol the hamsa hand protects the wearer from the evil eye hahaha

OH nigga's getting an iphone tmr and i feel like i will regret it the moment i get it hahahahahahaha buy me cute covers for my birthday ok http://society6.com/product/Theres-Always-Money-in-the-Banana-Stand-LPU_iPhone-Case na i like repetitive shit http://society6.com/product/Pineapple-Pattern-AiA_iPhone-Case i dont even like pineapples hahahahahahaha wtf OMG THIS IS ME http://society6.com/product/sloth-npF_iPhone-Case SLOTH. LOLOLOL. http://society6.com/product/Impulsive-Sloth_iPhone-Case HAHAHAHAHA THIS IS EVEN MORE ME IMPULSIVE SLOTH HAHAHAHAHA OH GOD THIS IS HILARIOUS BYE WHILE I CONTINUE LOOKING

my friend igen

me "ta pao home for me sashimi"
him "im gonna ta pao home japanese girls so i dont have to deal with singaporean girls' bullshit"
me "but you dont even understand their language"
him "i can speak the universal language....THE LANGUAGE BETWEEN MY THIGHS"

#shitmybfsays

we were talking about how cute xiaxue's baby is and i said "thats why i didn't date chinese cause mixed blood babies are so cute" (not that i intend to have their babies but yeah haha) and my genius of a boyfriend replied "well i'm mixed blood. i'm half hokkien and half teochew" LOFL GOTTA LOVE LEROY.

didnt i say love will find a way

haha see good things happen to good people. just sometimes shit things happen, but then something even better comes out of it. like when i got posted to the busiest store in uss and was dreading work but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise so many fun people there, never bored cause theres always work to do, time passes quickly. or like when leroy and i had shit problems but now we are more in love and happier than before. days have been so brilliant days coming up will be so brilliant so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

good start

august has been fantastic and its only the 5th! see i was right to look forward to august weeee got my baby back (literally and figuratively getting there) and we're more in love than ever *\^v^/* having 2 weeks of study break and then 2 papers and then 1.5 weeks of break (awesome break bc its birthday week yayers) and then internship starts on the 2nd of sept.............not looking forward to that mehzer. suppose to be studying but of course nigga is doing everything and anything BUT study lol i'm so excited i want this month to pass slowly so i can enjoy every minute haha EVERYBODY ENJOY AUGUST YA!!!!!!!!!

haha

no news is good news.

'mistletoe' came on and obviously i think of christmas and..........i teared. christmas is my favourite festive season and now i'm just not looking forward to it at all this is so fucking sad sigh

to friends of the opposite sex!

"babe dont cry everything will be ok"
"what is everything?"
"things will work out eventually"

which brings me to- what is things? my feelings for him? his feelings for me? our relationship?

yknw its honestly so amazing how i can be so strong for someone else, but can't do the same for myself, like i need someone else to tell me the exact same things i tell him. the.exact.same.thing. the irony........haha anyhowwwwwww just now saw me crying to a guy friend whom im not thatttttttttt close to (i mean, we are close but not as close as my main hang that kinda close) and surprisingly, he didn't freak out hahahahaha that's kinda amazing, no? now im amazed lol. actually now that i think about it the only guys (apart from... yeah) i've ever cried in front of comfortably without feeling like im making things awkward or uncomfortable are like, glen and noor.... and now i can add igen to that list lol weirdo...... i think it says alot about a relationship you share with someone when you can just...........let go. now that i think about it again (hahahahaha) they are also the only guys' house i go to, go to their room and just open the cupboard and take a pants i feel comfortable in and just change (of course not in their presence) LOLOLOL HAHAHAHAHA #kudostofriendshipslikethese i think every girl needs at least one guy friend like this. cause they also help you with your boy problems lol and tell you shit a girl would never think to do (bc guys are just.....guys)

and this part is for my dick friend igen since we're on skype now and he says i should write something really nice about him so he can get more action.

Igen is a.........nice person. when he chooses to be. he's brilliant and excellent IF he cares about you. and he's funny and smart. hes an idiot too and acts like a dick most times and when you go 'wherever the wind takes us' with him, you'll most definitely end up in serangoon. (to his advantage) but he knows when to stop (being a dick) and say the right things to cheer a girl up or anyone for that matter. but if he's not into you he's just really not into you. he has good fashion sense and let me just link you guys to his tumblr bc i love his tumblr lol http://kingigen.tumblr.com  i mean girls lets be real over here, a guy who knows his watch and cars and water?! (he drinks fiji) PLUS POINTS TO GUYS WHO KNOW THEIR WATER PLUS PLUS PLUS oh and if all that isn't enough, he drives HAHAHA so girls who wanna sign up, you'll be in for the ride of your life pun intended hahahahaha below is a picture of him and mcflurry

worst feelings I

another one of the worst feelings in the world is helplessness. (but only) when you cant help the people you love with their hardship. it feels like it's eating away at you, you wreck your brains for ideas on how to help, how to make things better, but you come up with nothing. or if you do come up with something, it probably isn't good enough. and when you know disaster will happen, but there's nothing you can do to stop it but stand at the sidelines and watch as it happens. :'( all the pain you feel (or thought you felt) pales in comparison when you think of the pain your loved one is going through.

the first person

The first person you think of when you wake up is either the cause of your happiness or pain. 

saw this the other day on @uberfacts and i got pretty upset because the first person i think of when i wake up, is the cause of both my happiness and pain. So then i was thinking about it, and it actually isn't that sad, because only the person who can make you happy, truly happy, is the one who can really cause you pain, simply because he/she matters. haha like why would irrelevant people even have an effect on you. same shit. So, i think uberfact should change it to The first person you think of when you wake up, is the cause of your happiness and that person is probably also the one who can cause you pain. or vice versa lol.

up up up downnnn and up up downn

things have been going pretty well? mostly because i keep reminding myself he still loves me (more in fact high 5 to myself hehe) and that he's less stingy with his 'i love you's and 'i miss you's, but there's still the occasional down where i just wake up from my sleep and start crying like crazy because i miss him too much lol. at least the bad dreams have stopped yay :) it's too late for regrets now so we're just fixing everything along the way, for a better next time (future sounds too cheesy) yeah i guess that's what we are now, two people in love trying to fix the mistakes we made so im going to end this post off with a cheeky photo tho i dont think he will like this too much haha ;) hehehehehehehehe bye off to buy some brownie keke

that one second

that one second where i just want to give up because it really is too much and then i remember this is the love i want, this is the love we both want, this is the guy i love and you don't give up on the people you love, especially the love of your life. so then i focus on his "it will always be you" confession to me through this difficult time, level up and then try again to bring my beautiful albeit idiotic patience-trying golden boy back.

i'm just gna ask this really nicely

you know where you stand can you please get out of our lives already. walk away. or roll away. roll away please. ROLL AWAY.

you see life is a crazy thing there'll be good times and there'll be bad times and everything in between

my friend told me (3 weeks ago but the situation has changed alot since then but still.) that i'm not getting better. to quote he said "you're not getting better. as in your sad frequencies are not that often anymore but when you're sad, you're still as sad" i think i agree because yes because. i should be happy now in fact i should be really happy but i'm so paranoid these days i think leroy infected me with his paranoia haha this feeling of insecurity + paranoia holy shit too intense. too intense for a carefree girl like me. i've always lived my life with....... no worries/any emotion too negative except the occasional assignment deadline hahah or being short on cash haha trivial matters and nothing very sad/bad have happened that has made me feel anything......less than happy all the time. yes i know i am blessed and i am grateful for my life. so these new feelings are very.......alien to me. alien bad man, not even alien good sigh.

my golden boy

i don't even know if people actually use that term in this way, but i use it anyway, because he is golden to me haha yknw when you meet someone golden you must hold on tight, unless it's suffocating the other person then let him/her go and just watch him shine from afar this is sad but ok nvm lets focus on the good. it's best if the feeling is reciprocated AND IM GLAD IT IS BITCHES BECAUSE I AM HIS GOLDEN GIRL WHM HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

i personally feel one of the better feelings in the world, if not the best, is when the people you love, loves you too. ESPECIALLY YOUR LOVER YA LOL. now i look forward to turning on my laptop cause everytime i see my login name im like DAMN RIGHT LUCKIEST GIRL EVER *\^v^/* k study time byebye

11:42pm
if anything, don't think, just feel. i've been thinking for the past hour and now my emotions are all over the place i can't place it right and i don't know how i feel about the way things are now and my feeings. i'm telling myself to 'just feel it let your emotions consume you min just feel them all' but my brains god they are not cooperating haha i am questioning myself my love his change etc etc but enough of all my love story for now I AM SO EXCITED FOR AUG!!!!!  firstly, i might be going for a race (well not technically it's just a night where all the fast cars come out to play) but i'm still in the midst of getting permission from my parents just cause it'll be way past midnight and it's dangerous bc "the cars are going at 120-160km/h anything can happen" haha i get where they are coming from but I'M A SPEED JUNKIE HAHA and i'll be very safe cause i won't be sitting in a japanese car (no offence haha) PLUS let me just quote "all the supercars are coming out that night all the ferraris and lamborghinis" oh my god nigga is so excited nigga can't even sit still while typing this everyone please pray for me that my parents will let me go please please please gan xie. secondly, well it's birthday month and things have already hit rock bottom, they can only go up right?! :) thirdly, I JUST WANT TO GO FOR THAT SUPERCARS NIGHT AND A RACE LA GOD HAHAHA

---------------------------------------------------

In life, you will realize there is a role for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you, and some will teach you. But the ones who are truly important are the ones who bring out the best in you. They are the rare and amazing people who remind you why it's worth it.

-unknown 

can i?

can i take another truth? or will that be too much? i feel like i'm shrinking away, i don't mean physically. i feel like with every truth told, i take a step back and reassess my emotions. is this good? or bad? anyhow ask me anything on http://ask.fm/whmcuteright i am bored.

it will never be the same

i always get damn annoyed with people who say this because they are so negative lol like "it will never be the same blabla happened" but the change could be for the better right?! haha but i get it, when you're sad only sad thoughts fill your mind and it takes alot of concentration and determination to remind yourself of the good thoughts....life. haha i always bring everything back to life LOL LIFE....... having some serious cupcake cravings now which is so weird because i've never really loved that shit lol urg

time

was just thinking how time flies by and then telling myself maybe i can do this two years thing. and then i realize, time only flies by when you're happy and having fun................................................life.

^v^ / :<

i love how i can still be so cheeky after everything, and how he can accept it still, and how we laugh together, how the sounds of our laughter matches each other's it's like nothing happened, except everything happened. so beneath all these cheekiness and smiles, is a sad girl who wishes nothing did happen. sigh i just made myself sad haha idiot.

we both won in a game of 2

we all go into a game to win. but i'm glad i didn't win today, cause that would mean he loses. i don't know how to collect my prize now tho lol. stupid ass analogy nigga actually used poker lol.

this song kinda describes everything that's going on now, almost accurate its scary. lol ellie you my soul mate

you trembled like you seen a ghost

and i gave in

i lack the things you need the most

you said where have you been

you wasted all that sweetness to run and hide

i wonder why

i remind you of the days you poured your heart into

but you never tried 

i've fallen from grace

took a blow to my face

i've loved and i've lost

i've loved and i've lost

explosions, on the day you wake up

needing somebody and you've learned

it's ok to be afraid

but it will never be the same

it will never be the same

you left my soul bleeding in the dark

so you could be king

the rules you set are still untold to me 

and i've lost my faith in everything

the nights you could cope 

your intentions were gold

but the mountains will shake

i need to know i can still make

explosions, on the day you wake up

needing somebody and you've learned

it's ok to be afraid

but it will never be the same

and as the floods move in

and your body start to sink

i was the last thing on your mind

i know you better than you think

cause it's simple darling, i gave you a warning

now everything you own is falling from the sky in pieces

so watch them fall with you, in slow motion

i pray that you will find peace of mind

and i'll find you another time

i'll love you, another time

explosions, on the day you wake up

needing somebody and you've learned

it's ok to be afraid

but it will never be the same.

do i really need to win

for the first time ever, i am actually considering the downsides to winning. they always say its not about the destination, its about the journey. i agree with it to a certain extent, but if its really all about the journey then why go about doing it in the first place? is there a way both parties can win? why must one have to win and the other lose? is winning really that important? but don't we go into anything with the intention to.....win? or is giving your best enough? but is your best good enough? 

because i want to put my faith to test and see how far i can go

today is all about how far my love can take me, how much i can take for my love, how much patience i have in me, how much discipline i have, and how my faith is turning out. so far..........not so good haha.


so anw, i've gotten "you put make up ah?" a few times these past couple of weeks haha did i really not take care of myself when i was in a relationship? i actually did bother more when i was in one, just bc imo people really don't look as good anymore when they have a partner, they just don't bother. these days i'm super lazy some days i don't even put moisturizer (my skincare routine is a one step regimen: moisturize after bath) ((i dont believe in cleanser or all that toner nonsense i think it just messes your face up)) lol and i don't even know how to apply make up hahaha tyng applies eyeliner on me when we do go for a night out. the only two things i use are concealer (my dark circles these days are hideous) and eyebrow pencil (the lady screwed my brows) ya man. thanks for the compliments tho. (i actually dont really see them as compliments bc you just tryna say i look like shit before but they say its a compliment so yeah wtv hahaha)


i have so much work to do this month it's actually a good thing i quit work. but then again, yall know me, i rather be bored than do work. i mean, LAST MINUTE WORK HAS MORE QUALITY DONT YALL AGREE LOL.

figure 8

"its such a rubbish feeling when someone doesn't love you back. when it happened to me, it was just the worst thing in the world. and like, i was obsessed with that. and i was obsessed with human behavior and i was obsessed with unrequited love and i think that song is just the epitome of it. it's just like you can't get anymore depressing than that. it's just like you're stuck in this figure 8."

breathe your smoke into my lungs
in the back of a car with you i stare into the sun

still not too old to die young

but lovers hold on to everything

and lovers hold on to anything 

i chase your love around a figure 8

i need you more than i can take

you promised forever and a day

and then you take it all away

place a kiss on my cheekbone

then you vanish me, im buried me in the snow

but something tells me im not alone

so lovers hold on to everything

and lovers hold on to anything

i chase your love around a figure 8

i need you more than i can take

you promised forever and a day

and then you take it all away

so lovers hold on to everything

and lovers hold on to anything

so lovers hold on to everything

and lovers hold on to anything

i chase your love around a figure 8

i need you more than i can take

you promised forever and a day

and then you take it all away 

forewarned

If a boy ever says, you remind me of someone- don't fall in love with him. You will never be anything more than second best.

-Lang Leav 

pissed off with myself

i cannot stand how much i 'care' about this person i dont even know and dont even care about. that doesnt make sense. let me rephrase that shit. i cannot stand how much the presence of this person affects me ahhhh perfect lol. i could just delete my first sentence but nah im too lazy for that. its like, i dont even know said person and i dont even want to know said person and i dont care if said person dies later, actually i will jump for joy oh my hahaha so mean but ok ya you get the drift?! someone so irrelevant comes along and makes such an impact urg gross. so disgusted and pissed off and disappointed with myself for letting shit like this happen. IRRELEVANT PEOPLE SHOULD JUST STAY IRRELEVANT. this is jealousy speaking. over. 

isnt it crazy

3.22
playing right into his hands and he knows it. i hate that i know he's doing this on purpose and it still affects me hahahahaha this is so messed up IF YOU ARE READING THIS YOU ARE MESSING ME UP AND YOU KNOW IT BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, NIGGA HERE IS AS STRONG AS YOU KNOW I AM AND EVEN STRONGER WHEN I KNOW WHAT I WANT/NEED. I WILL FIGHT FOR WHAT I WANT AND YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW HOW I AM WHEN I WANT SOMETHING AND I WANT YOU SO YOU JUST SIT TIGHT BC NIGGA HERE IS GONNA BOX YOUR ASS SOON. love ya (imagine my smug smile now bc you know this is gonna end up the way we both want it to :D ) hahahahaha this is me being strong for two people welcome to my life.


isnt it so crazy that i know exactly what and how he's thinking and his reasons for thinking/doing them but im still fearful of the end result. its like, i know but i dont hahahaha i mean i know, i swear i do, but i cant be sure. oh the uncertainty that scares everyone. but its so crazy how well someone can know/understand another person so well its like hes my second skin and our heads and hearts work as one or maybe i am just crazy. so much going on in my head haha my thoughts are like opasudhfkjshlad this is an example of whats going on in my head "lets go eat chick- oh my jay chou wait where was oh ya its damn hot today" haha yes this is how scattered my thoughts are. i cannot focus on one thing for too long if not bad thoughts come creeping back in lol its so difficult to just focus on the happy/good ones when youre really feeling like crap and uncertain. i hope everyone else has a good saturday tho :)

!

9:58pm
i dont understand how some people can be so book smart but so dumb with regards to everything else. SERIOUSLY. ITS SO SIMPLE. IF GIRL LOVES BOY AND BOY LOVES GIRL, STAY TOGETHER. IF GIRL AND BOY GOT PROBLEM WHILE TOGETHER AND STILL LOVE EACH OTHER, FIX THE FUCKING PROBLEM. DO YOU CUT OFF YOUR WHOLE FINGER WHEN YOUR NAIL BREAKS? NO. YOU DO FUCKING NOT. YOU CUT OFF THE BROKEN NAIL. THAT IS ALL. WHY DO SOME PEOPLE JUST NOT.FUCKING.GET.IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! or if boy and girl cant solve the problem, COMPROMISE YO. THE DICTIONARY HAS THIS WORD FOR A REASON. COMPROMISE. COMTHEFUCKINGPROMISE. oh god give me the strength to not rip off my whole head. SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE JUST LOOK AT THINGS WAY TOO COMPLICATED-LY. and things are only as complicated as what people make them to be. so guys, and gals, when you face a problem, just think simply. do not act one smart pants, start thinking like is 1+1=11 or window or wtv have you bc IT IS NOT. (i respect how everyone thinks honestly i do but) 1+1=2. go the fuck to bed now. urg.



i just almost cried because the media card went crazy for awhile and the pictures were all gone and i thought his love note to me was gone fuck my life i just heaved the biggest sigh of relief ever lol praise the lords hahahahahahahah ahhhhhh my god. i cannot deal hahahahaha

anxiety attack

11:35 we can only go up from here
i got a response. it isnt exactly what i wanted, but we dont always get what we want in life right. its a first step tho. and im just glad. and happy. and relieved. :')

10:35pm
bruise and cuts from god knows where so pissed off with myself so pissed off i let the people i love down so bloody pissed off.

i am having an anxiety attack now haha i am so nervous my heart is pounding time is passing too slowly hahaha oh god. i passed him my journal, what i really feel about everything (a more in depth and crude version of the past few posts) and omg i am n-e-r-v-o-u-s gahhhhhhhhh with every minute i get more anxious haha omg omg omg listening to jay chou to help me with my nerves hahahahahaha WO HEN PROUD WO SHI HUA REN OMG HAHAHA wish me luck guys i hope i get the reaction i want. if not. i really did it give it my all.

even the best falls down sometimes

is this relationship too much for me i thought i was strong enough

i almost can't tell anymore. i think i am losing myself in all this.

8:52
i have this stupid problem hahaha i always push people and sometimes it backfires on me. i need to take 10000 chill pills and take the back seat now LOL be a back seat bitch lol you can do this min

love

it works in such a weird way, no? you try to help and protect each other through stupid ways like being selfless and selfish both at once, but you end up hurting each other more.

all them other niggas lame and you know it now when a real nigga holds you down you supposed to drown.
bound 2 fall in love

!!!!!!!!!

i am so happy SO FUCKING HAPPY I CAN FEEL ALL THE POSITIVE ENERGY AGAIN thank you to everyone who went through this shit with me. it has honestly been the worst thing i've been through. yes you guys may think like what?!?! a break up is the worst shes been through?! YES it is. to all the people who i dont know personally whose been reading this space, i hope i didnt make you tear, too. haha i will try my best to update this space as often as possible (someone asked me on my askfm to not stop blogging but i feel like its one of my friends being a troll) haha but if its not and its anyone of you, thank you. AND PLEASE, ASK ME QNS ON http://ask.fm/whmcuteright i am sooooo bored. & as a big thank you and because i am in such a brilliant mood, here is a picture of yours truly just being cute as usual.

goodnight :>

THE WEIGHT LOSS IS REAL

hahahahahaha 39.5kg.

my dad tells me i look like a walking dead.

and people have been asking me if im anorexic/underweight

LOL SO THIS IS MY WEIGHT LOSS TIP. 

BREAK THE FUCK UP 

HAHAHAHAHAHA

and every girl needs to go to uniqolo and get these panties. you're welcome.

speaking of I AM SO PISSED OFF WITH HOUR GLASS AND SINCERE AND CORTINA BUT HOUR GLASS MAINLY. I COULDVE CAME HOME WITH A NEW BABY TODAY BC MY MOTHER SET A BIG BUDGET FOR HERSELF N I TONIGHT FUCKS ME URGGGG IF I HAD KNOWN ALL IT TOOK TO GET A NEW WATCH WAS A BREAK UP!!!! AHAHA KIDDING. urgggggggggggg 

while on skype with my uncle who's in cambodia

"leroy and i broke up"
"i was looking forward to having dinner with you and roy when i come back on the 11th"

he calls leroy roy lol
this is how tight my family is, and it is so true, that so many people and things come and go in your life, but your family. they will always be with you. i always pray my friends grow up in a family like mine, because i honestly feel my family is the best. but then again, everyone thinks their family is the best haha. go tell your parents and siblings you love them, now!! and next time you see your aunts or uncles or cousins or grandparents, tell them the same. or just call them tmr in the middle of the day and tell them how happy you are they are who they are to you. spread love like violence.

faltering faith

i have never wanted to be proven right so much until now please please whoever please i just want to be right this time. i need to be. i have never felt more betrayed in my life. this feeling of wanting to hate someone so bad i have never hated anyone i just have no time for hate i just dont bother but this time this once i really want to hate. this is killing me.

i was randomly looking through the phone and i saw this note titled resolutions. guess what was #1. haha the irony. the thing about resolutions........nobody really keeps to them no? but 2012's resolution went through, so was it too much to ask for another year?

8:29pm
i have never felt so much anger in my heart i am so so so so so fucking angry i need to hit something i need to hit someone now should be perfect timing i pick up boxing

ask me anything

PLEASE. I AM BORED.TO.DEATH. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
http://ask.fm/whmcuteright
http://ask.fm/whmcuteright
http://ask.fm/whmcuteright
http://ask.fm/whmcuteright
http://ask.fm/whmcuteright
http://ask.fm/whmcuteright

dont hate what you cant understand

i dont understand how someone can say "im not good for you" after being in a relationship with someone for a prolonged period of time. thats like eating durian everyday for two years and then suddenly realising youve never liked durian. wait, am i making the right analogy? yes right. yes ok. like whatttt?! realising you're not good for someone, shouldnt that come even before you decide "ok she is it i want to get into a relationship with her". i came up with a list of why anyone would feel they are not good for anyone and this it: hes secretly a gangster's son and might put your life in danger. the person is dying of some illness and is saying it to protect the other party (too much drama i know haha) or how about family backgrounds????? and then this is my final one and the one which i think is it; he knows he is about to hurt you (w smth hes probably going to do or just did) and quickly says IM NOT GOOD FOR YOU to make it up to show that he isnt the biggest douche lord in town. 
orrrrrrrr maybe after being together then he realises he is not good but still, this doesnt take long to figure out right? i am so disappointed right now.  what if everyones right and I've just been having faith and beliveing his best.

i will be lying

if i said im not sad about my physical attributes disappearing lol people will think 'this girl is going through a break up and she can actually be sad about her breasts and ass shrinking??!!?!' yes i am actually very sad about this hahahahaha i mean even more so now im single im suppose to look extra hot but no no no i lost them all lol barely finished a 6'' cold cut the whole day sigh 1 month ago that shit would be gone in 5 mins lol oh i just got a craving for waffles nice. time to get my big booty back i mean DONT WE ALL LOVE A BIG BOOTY HOE HAHAHAHA night.

has it just been me all along

i've never felt an emptiness like this until now. this void in my life/heart this is so new to me. i get emotional over the smallest things i tear reading paragraphs of anything not happy lol i actually got excited (this i havent felt in a long time) when igen said 'lets go party' when i said fuck school hahaha this shit never happens. the stupidest most insignificant things actually gets me excited now wtf is wrong with me. my life is so messed up my head and heart are screwing up i actually really think i might die soon from all the pounding my heart has been going on at the past 3 weeks. i can sit down YES SIT DOWN and my heart just pounds away like i just ran 2.4 wtf. i feel like a loser so many people break up everyday and so many other sadder things happen to people but i am acting like my break up is the worst break up in the world like i am the saddest kid in the room with no ice cream while the other kids smash their faces into their ice creams lol it really is time i step up my game and move the fuck on.

tyng says

you cant save everyone. especially nice people, they need to break before they can learn. he will be grateful to you later for this. but why do i have to be the one to break him why cant i be the one who gets to enjoy him after hes learned and i dont want his gratitude i want his love. this is going to be a long one. buckle up min dont hate the player hate the game

if you love me so much then why'd you let me go

haha i actually disagree with my title bc i did (and still do) love him alot when i let him go when he wanted a break. i mean, it was precisely bc i love him so much that i did it for him. o love....so selfless and selfish all at once. but anyhow, ive decided that i should start saving myself. i mean, if we are really meant to be, this shit aint got nothing on us hahahahaha like he said he'll want a fair chance to fight for my love again when the time comes but right now, im just gna let him sort his things out. i really wanted to help him, save him from his own demons, and i really did stay strong and have faith for the both of us but..........this is enough. i just weighed myself i am fucking 41kg the fuck i lost 4-5kg in 2 weeks!!!! (girls weight loss tip) this shit is so crazy, and i cant be sad forever. it hurts me so much that the people around me are sad bc i am sad haha ytd at dinner my aunt literally came up to me and hugged me and choked on her own tears to tell me to be happy again. and i know everytime i cry my parents hearts shatter a little haha and really my sister who sleeps with me lol i cannot even begin to imagine the shit she went through and all my friends ah what would i do without them hehe they really are the best, bc friends dont break up with friends hahahahaha i love all of you. i love all of you so much
and this is to mirabelle i dont like you n its not you its human nature in fact you actually look like a nice person but i just dont like you haha. so i hope you dont go wtf this bitch is so fucking cray (but i am actually a bitch whose cray) he is not a problematic child (yes im crazy and stalkerish like this) the hell?!?!??!?!?! look at all these pictures SO WHAT if he cant smile right so what if he has an awkward smile, at least hes happy

so yeah i dont like you. PLEASE dont get drunk at 2am again i mean the night just started!!!!!!!!!! (this is female to female take care of yourself you will not always have a friend like leroy who wont take advantage of your drunkness and shit (being real right here female to female haha))

and this is to everyone whos been reading this space through my break up (i was so bored i actually checked my stats 200+ views a day thanks!! ^^), i hope i didnt make anyone sad or anything and if youre going through a break up yourself, AIYA YOU JUST GOTTA BE STRONG FOR YOURSELF AND THE PEOPLE WHO REALLY LOVE YOU. haha goodnight.

hovering between having faith and stupidity

my downfall is that i always see the best in everyone and i believe no one will want to harm me intentionally. ive been told countless times i trust people too easily. hah i feel so stupid now, and to think i always told leroy people will take advantage of him bc hes too kind. me having faith and believing the best in everyone, i feel so fucking stupid now. so.fucking.stupid.

so this is my plan here on out
1. be more guarded
2. do not trust people so easily
(1 n 2 are kinda the same haha)
3. esp guys (no i m not turning gay) bc lets be real over here everyone a guys mind is 10x faster than ours they see us and they imagine us naked LOL (THIS IS TRUE even between bestfriends im not gna lie maybe not after months/years of friendship but at the beginning THIS IS TRUE I SWEAR)
4. JUST BE CAUTIOUS but dont be overcautious then you'll make no friends n might even lose some

(this post has nothing to do with my breakup he is a good man lol)

it still hurts as much after two weeks. i am pissing myself off. all this crying and not eating right i am so fucking tired of this i just want to be happy again. i just want to be happy with him again.

when i close my eyes i can still feel his hands cradling n caressing my face, and telling me that this is ok and that i am strong enough for this.






but i am not
he was wrong
i need my bf back

it just sucks my love costs me my relationship

i told habibah that i feel connected when i see him online on whatsapp and she said but what if hes online bc hes messaging the other girl and i said he might be but in that instance i know hes looking down on his phone probably sitting on the bed after one happy proud round of dota and we're both doing the same thing all i need to do is reach out into the phone to the other side and i can caress him n feel him again i m a nut case lol

How long does it take to unlove someone

(unlove isn't a word but I am just going to use it). We broke up on the 8th and today is the 20th it is 3.35am. Sometimes i wake up feeling no pain, nothing, and I think if I've stopped loving him but few seconds/minutes later all the pain comes back the pain of not having him here anymore the pain thinking of the night when he said he didn't love me anymore the pain he feels for my pain, just everything.
We made a deal and my end of the deal was to try my best to stop loving him in a month. The truth (currently) is, I rlly don't know if I'm in love with the memories we/i had or him as a person anymore. But before I continue this is what my love is to me: leroy makes me feel full, alive (as cheesy n corny as that sounds) I am at my happiest with him and also my lowest, he makes me feel everything he makes me feel dumb yet smart at the same time he makes me irritated and exasperated and everything good and bad sometimes I want to strangle him n most times I just want to keep kissing him n remind him how much I love him. He makes it clear to me that all the other guys I met before him are just....retards along the way. I have never planned my life around a guy until leroy. This feeling of helplessness and power all at once is so...........love to me hahaha. I'm trying to keep my end of the deal, but for the wrong reasons. I'm trying to unlove him because I love him and this is what he wants. ISN'T THAT SO DEMENTED URG WHM. How do I unlove someone when I love/(d) him so hard before. And how do I unlove someone knowing I'm doing it exactly bc I love him. Its two totally different shit like trying to burp and fart at the same time hahahahaha pulling (pushing actually haha) from two opposite ends. ive been trying to do it the hard way i literally stare at pictures of him with this new girl lol the first ten seconds i feel nothing and then i feel a very weird pull in my heart then tears start coming then nothing at all, and then the process repeats. 
Tyng says its all in the head (which I agree to a certain extent) our minds are really very strong but my heart feels happiness just loving him lol oh god this whole thing just contradicts itself fuck idk so really, just how long does it take to unlove someone you thought you were gonna spend the rest of your live with. Or CAN I EVEN UNLOVE A LOVE LIKE THIS. 

purpose

ever since igen told me to 'find your purpose in life even if you take your whole life you owe it to yourself to do that' (he got it from man of steel hes not this smart) i feel like the most useless prick ever what is my purpose. purpose; the reason for which something exists. what do i exist for does my existence even mean anything to anyone (apart from my family) i always wonder about my existence and the fuck now i feel so dumb ive never thought about the purpose of it. i was talking to hana n coretta about this and they said earn money and live well if this is my purpose i just want the haze to kill me tonight in my sleep. and i realize i feel deeply for everything (but is that just kindness n empathy n feelings) is my purpose in life just to love n care about everyone i love deeply is this even a fucking purpose or just to have faith in everyone/thing or is my purpose in life just to laugh at people actually why do i laugh at people so much thats not nice min but ive always known that but i still continue doing it. on a side note i actually do believe in karma which is why ive cut down on this bad habit hahahahaha U FAT BITCH THO GET OUT THE WAY ok stop.

 i just googled purpose in life lol and most of the stuff on is about believing in god and shit hahahahahaha this is so shit but i am going to try this: http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2005/01/how-to-discover-your-life-purpose-in-about-20-minutes/
hopefully this works and if it doesnt, its ok. since ive been living 18 n a half years without a purpose. night.

finally

ive never understood when people say you expect more from a boyfriend than from a friend. in fact, igen just told me this 2 nights ago but it didnt really make sense till i opened the fridge this morning and saw a box of green tea kit kat. its just bloody kit kat but i stood there, just staring at it and it finally made sense. ENLIGHTENMENT LOL. leroy told me 4 weeks ago (before the break up) that he would bring me some and as the days go by that we met up and i never did receive any i was like mehhh. i mean its just kit kat and its not like i love green tea kit kats lol. i guess it was the fact he said it but never did it. igen told me he'll bring some to cheer me up and 2 days later its in the fridge. im not saying leroys a bad boyfriend in fact hes the best this is just one of the very few things he said but never did.

this past week has been hell legit hell ive balled my eyes out lost 3kg fucked my body up and ive irritated everyone around me and i even went clubbing hahaha i hate being sad. being sad is so fucked up i hate sad people so i started hating myself a little. thats the worse, hating yourself. AND SHOUT OUT TO GENGEN AND MUCHACHA THANKS FOR THE GENTLE LOVE tyng and cel has been fucking me up with tough love lol im rejecting all tough love ya right now i need gentle. my parents are still on holiday and it has made this breakup easier to deal with i know they'll be sad af if they see me crying n then ill cry more bc they are sad too haha o how love works but i did tell them over skype/whatsapp and i cry a little each time SO GUYS PLEASE STOP ASKING ME WHAT HAPPENED BC WHEN I TALK I CRY AND LOSE MY APPETITE. which reminds me i need to go get my license asap ive spent so much $$ cabbing out past midnight this past week.

i am not as sad anymore but of course i still am, theres this dull nagging in my heart i cant rlly describe it. ive decided im not going to get into a relationship anytime soon i need a break but having said that IF LEROY COMES BACK I AM LAUNCHING MYSELF INTO HIS ARMS AGAIN HAHAHAHAHAHA I FUCKING LOVE YOU BABY HAHAHAHAHA OK BYE I NEED TO EAT.

some pictures of how ive been spending my week obviously not with igen everyday wtf thats just creepy but no one else posts pictures so yes this is it HOW AM I SO CHIO EVEN WHEN IM SAD HAHAHAHAHA KK BYE

 #fbff dats fucking best friend forever so much passion FUCKING BEST FRIEND FOREVER

 #cantlaughattyngnomore #sian

 #restingonacarisbetterthansittingbytheroadside

#350power #richkidsdoitbetter cel n i #backseatbitches