2011

new years eve and i am blogging for really just basically myself anything that goes into the internet will be forever on the internet so duh nothing too personal like i lost my virginity this year obvi not just giving an example this year has been a great year despite breaking up with someone i loved for 4/3 year and starting school at np and just reading an email that i failed one test which was so expected since i only filled up my name and went to the toilet and asked for answers lol this year has been great goodnight :>

TEEHEE

just got these two darlings with another long one but i cant find it online oh well.

BEHIND EVERY ROAR IS A, TEEHEE. 

HAHAHAHAHA

i love you doesn't work on me

most, if not all girls i know, feel instantly better when the guy says i love you bla but i just get even more upset. sometimes i wonder why i'm not like them, not that i want to be just like everyone else but i guess they don't stay sad for long because all boys seem to only know to say 'i love you' when they sense something wrong. idky boys think thats the life-saver line. or is it? ah wtv irrelevant.

this level of boredom is unhealthy

i am so bored beyond bored. browsing through tumblr pretty faces and i realize my blog has to be the most boring blog ever it has no pictures just mindless words words in a sentence that don't make sense run and yes i don't like punctuation if you've noticed. so anyway i see the olsen twins all over tumblr i love them practically grew up with them read all their books haha and watched their sitcom LOL oh just something about being a twin love watching other twins lol 

anyway i love toms. i mean not the design i still am, and always will be, against that idk sampan look alike shoes unfit for yours truly's sole. the brand is so full of love check this out 

i would buy 10 pairs of toms just so 10 kids can benefit from it ahhh the joy of giving. which reminds me CHRISTMAS IS COMING AND I CANNOT BE MORE EXCITED. THIS YEAR WILL BE GR8 ^^

t.o.r.n

See,what if the two things you want most, contradicts each other.
Start listing the pros and cons.
And then if you really can't come up with a choice, ignore the whole situation and curl up into a ball make the heartache go away and sleep.

times have changed and so have i.

If you're gonna keep this up, you better be doing this smart. Because this try-to-make-her-jealous move you're trying, i think its backfiring on you. And yes as much as i hate to admit this, i guess i really have changed. So im sorry. to you. and a little to myself too.

17 and married.

Ha ha ha what a blog title. So im 17! I really wasn't expecting much for 17 because well, 17 is just, no where. Maybe that's exactly why i had so much fun, or maybe it was just the company. But either way, i had more fun then i thought i'll have :> I really do have the bestest friends in the world and everyday, well every other day to be exact, i thank (the lord?) for blessing me with such amazing people. I love all my friends, i really do. :') 

sadly, this is the only picture i have of today hahaha this is my husband LOL HAHAHA. 

do what i do best.

i dont even know what i want now, im just going with the flow. 

I am not catwoman but I can try.

So, after asking Someone if I should let my feelings for him flow naturally, someone said yes. So of course I let it come to me. And then about 12 hours later, someone said no. The deciding part is easy if he said no because...it just is. So now that I have let it out, I need to use more strength to take it back in and not like him. And now, Someone just asked how I am feeling today. Truth is, I feel like dying. But I replied pretty good. because I know if I answered the truth, it'll eat at Someone. if you get this post, it means we're pretty close LOL.

#storyofmylife

If you're constantly checking this space out and/or reading this, it means you should know im a screwed up little kiddo. When i'm feeling extreme, be it extremely happy, or sad, or pissed, or irritated, just basically any emotion there is out there to feel, i go crazy, do stupid things, say things without processing it first and just about any other retarded things there are to do (except getting a tattoo). So..... last night was one such night.

One hell of a night. Sorry really is the hardest word to say. I had to get a friend to slap me, another one to scold me via bbm and another who refused to slap but finally decided to pinch my thigh, to finally ball up and apologize. I fucking hurt (i think, im quite confident though) someone who mattered. quite a lot in fact. I can't even remember when was the last time i really hurt anyone. So when i finally balled up to apologize, I was so prepared for anything he wanted to lash out on me, like how much of a bad friend i am, how im screwed up in the head, anything at all...but he just kept quiet and said its ok. His ''its ok'' was so painful i fucking cried LOL HAHAHA yup i did. Its like you know its not ok but he still says it anyway. Its more painful than anything you can imagine. Sigh, I am utterly disgusted and disappointed with myself im not even allowing myself to feel anything because i dont deserve it. i am so screwed up i dont even deserve friends like him. 

Nvm, i hope this doesnt affect our friendship though im quite sure it already did sigh. #storyofafuckedupkiddo'slife #wrecker #nowyouknow

its 11.39 on a monday and im not home.

Hi everyone. I'm at, a secret location. As much as i want to let you guys know, i have sworn (well, almost) to secrecy. I am extremely tired, my eyelids are crazyass heavy and are threatening to close any minute now. I had two cupcakes today. Both were awesome. And anw, I really wanted to fast, i really did. But at about 1am there was a cupcake offer, i couldnt resist! hehe. So i'm going to start fasting tmr! :) Except my version is, im just gonna wake up eat that meal, and try to last the whole day. hehehe. Ok, a song to cheer everyone up. Its not really a happy song, but it just sounds happy haha.

beautiful people

to all the beautiful boys and girls who bother reading this space, thank you :>

so this song is for all of you, haha because this is my new fav song. 

i hope you guys like it too

xx.

sigh

numb, again.

instant lightness in the chest.

You take people for granted, to be specific, you take me for granted. When I asked, you will not do it. But if someone else asks, you would. Because you know no matter what, I'll always be here. No matter how jerk-ish, bastard-y, no matter. But I cant exactly blame you, because I let myself be taken for granted. And on a lighter note, thank you for being honest.

just maybe

maybe you're right, maybe after all, i really don't know you.
.
.
but i'd like to think i do. and maybe i really do.
this post doesn't make any sense at all.

-

When I'm nervous, I talk too much. Too much for my own good. it's gross, but I dont know what else to do with all that excess energy. And I giggle too ha ha.
About 2 weeks ago, I broke up with the person I swear I love so much, again, too much for my own good. The day I broke up with him, I was numb ha ha, for real. It only really hit me  the second day. I tell you, the second and third day were like, ok. I was drenched in tears. Ha ha what a good summary. My reasons for leaving were almost, even I want to slap myself... But I feel good now, though I still think of him almost everyday.
Oh, I made a new friend. He has the coolest name haha but I will not blog it/ about him.
Ok, I'll just add, he has a vvv nice smile :> This post doesn't make sense, I just feel like blogging.

tattoo

omg i just saw the most beautiful but the ugliest at the same time. i want to die. lol. oh anw this morning on the bus one girl want to show off her tattoo. ok to be fair her tattoo is really nice. but she trying to hard. she sat in the weirdest position ever just so i will look and after i took one quick glance she still maintain la, like try. then after a while, she just sit properly haha i think she cannot tank or what. LOL. i want to get a tattoo. behind my shoulder blade. im gonna write something there. nvm i tank the pain. lol.

skip the charade

The one who lets go, or the one who was let go hurts more?
i need a dairy this is too personal to be up here.

He won't go

Some say i'll be better without you
But they don't know you like i do,
or at least the sides i thought i knew.

I can't bear this time
It drags on as i lose my mind
Reminded by things i find,
like notes and clothes you left behind.

Wake me up, wake me up when all is done.
I won't rise until this battle's won,
my dignity become undone.

But i won't go,
i can't do this on my own.
If this ain't love, then what is?
Im willing to take the risk.

I won't go
I can't do it all alone.
If this ain't love, then what is?
Im willing to take the risk.

So petrified, i'm so scared to step into this ride.
What is i lose my heart and fail declined?
I won't forgive me if i give up trying.

I heard his voice today,
i didn't know a single word he said.
Not one resemblance to the man i met,
just a vacant, broken boy instead.

But i won't go,

i can't do this on my own.

If this ain't love, then what is?

Im willing to take the risk.

I won't go

I can't do it all alone.

If this ain't love, then what is?

Im willing to take the risk.

(this verse isnt my situation)

will he still love me even when he's free?

or will he go back to the place

where he would choose the poison over me?

91626***

Under the sheet of love,
she tastes his lips.
He, her soul.

lost love and found?

I am aware this space lacks pictures but i am in no mood to look for pretty pictures/ pictures that depict how i feel.
I know i'm suppose to let all this emotions flow through me but i'm not permitting it. It just makes sense not to. I loved you with all of me. You broke me time and again. It makes sense you prove this love now. You crave love. So love first.

i m so messed up.

you're gonna catch a cold from that ice inside your soul.

)':

no, you're not mistaken. but come here first. you know me, i got ego. and i put it down so many times for you, just come here first please.

ok u r still worth it because i just teared. SIGH. YOU KNOW U R THE ONLY FRIEND I CRY FOR/BECAUSE OF SO MANY TIMES YOU DESERVE TO DIE. hahahaha what a badass whm.

i think i still care

seriously what is stopping me. or you, for that matter. so i thought of it from your point of view, pretty hard considering how much of a pessimist you are. so either 1) you think i hate you which isnt your fault since i make it seem that way or 2) you feel i m not worth it anymore or 3) you've accepted it and moved on, which also isnt your fault since i was the one who called it quits.
ok so 2 & 3 are not too favorable for me. but we've known each other for 10 years, 10 years or ok 7 years of memory isnt that hard to forget right? or maybe im just too sentimental. really, i shouldnt even give two fucks about you. but sigh (insert title)

my friend disappeared

i think this is karma for cursing other people.

!!!

i want you to lose her. i want you to know how much it hurts to lose a friend. i want you to know bestfriends can never be replaced and you'll be bestfriendless for the rest of your life. i m a saddist. but its the people around me who mold me into who i m today. u deserve all the shit happening in your life. and even after all this, maybe, i think, i still care about you. if not i wouldnt be here posting to/about you.

thicker than water

this deserves a post on its own. i am beyond excited for ma bra noor seriously. im so stoked its as if, im the one scooting haha! you've had a rough one recently bro, i hope this gets your mind off (yknw what/who). YOU'LL DO GREAT I JUST KNOW IT.

love, your little minmin who 'finally fell for a chinese guy'' 

SEERI ^^ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (i just had to)

escape to my dreams

                                           

see, i dont think anyone reads this space. i think i like a guy. not in a healthy way though, i m sure. occassionally, i miss him. most times, i think of him. but i think he hates me, or at least i think he does. but i hope he likes me back. or too. i can dream, right? i am a girl, afterall. 

edited @ 10.34pm

tonight, i will let all thoughts flow to me. i will not stop any thought even if all that comes to me tonight is my secret liker. i hope not though. 

love and light

dream sweet dreams  

:) 

HW 2 S4V3 A LYF3

Between the lines of fear and blame,
You begin to wonder why you came.
Oh where did I go wrong...

I might have a sweet dream of ayton aka prettyboy

School starts at 8 tmr but im still not asleep.
I can't sleep because err m not letting myself have a chance to fall asleep. hahaha, if you get what mean. school has been pretty relaxing or maybe its just me. I have this module called computer programming and its seriously like the black box with those kahdkl on that people(bsides  engineers) hate to see the most. ok now I feel like sleeping. see this is what studies does to me. goodnight, dream sweet dreams.

HI

BEFORE I START MY FIRST EVER POST IN MY TEN THOUSAND AND SECOND BLOG, I JUST WANT TO SHARE WITH THE WORLD THAT I GOT A BB TORCH. IT IS SMACKING SEXY LIKE SMEXY HAHA.


I just Unfriended Avriel on facebook because i really cannot stand seeing her face appearing on my news feed, lol. When i see her face, i feel like beating the daylight out of her lol, so i had to do it.


Anyway, I tried reading perks of being a wallflower by Stephen Chbosky again but it kinda failed cause this book is really........draggy? But its good i mean the first time lol.


So np is fine its huge i got lost a couple of times sigh the people are nice but they love to dress up which is kind of kookoo. Poly's really different its like woah breath of fresh (who am i kidding, its gross) air. My classmates are awesome haha made new friends (duh!) and they are cute, in their own ways. HAHAHA K JUST THINKING ABOUT IT MAKES ME LAUGH. Shall end off with smth funny one new friend, Leroy (oh! and its his birthday today too! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!) said.


''Im allergic to the nut in peanut butter.''
HAHAHAHAHA.
THIS IS FUNNY.

I TOLD MA SEXY BABY HABIBAH THIS AND SHE SAID.

.

.

.

WAIT

4

IT.

.

.

.

'SO HE'S ALLERGIC TO PEA?'

LAUGH MY BLOODY ASS OFF. 

peace and love. 

is this nicer or is this nicer. or maybe this.