#storyofmylife

If you're constantly checking this space out and/or reading this, it means you should know im a screwed up little kiddo. When i'm feeling extreme, be it extremely happy, or sad, or pissed, or irritated, just basically any emotion there is out there to feel, i go crazy, do stupid things, say things without processing it first and just about any other retarded things there are to do (except getting a tattoo). So..... last night was one such night.

One hell of a night. Sorry really is the hardest word to say. I had to get a friend to slap me, another one to scold me via bbm and another who refused to slap but finally decided to pinch my thigh, to finally ball up and apologize. I fucking hurt (i think, im quite confident though) someone who mattered. quite a lot in fact. I can't even remember when was the last time i really hurt anyone. So when i finally balled up to apologize, I was so prepared for anything he wanted to lash out on me, like how much of a bad friend i am, how im screwed up in the head, anything at all...but he just kept quiet and said its ok. His ''its ok'' was so painful i fucking cried LOL HAHAHA yup i did. Its like you know its not ok but he still says it anyway. Its more painful than anything you can imagine. Sigh, I am utterly disgusted and disappointed with myself im not even allowing myself to feel anything because i dont deserve it. i am so screwed up i dont even deserve friends like him. 

Nvm, i hope this doesnt affect our friendship though im quite sure it already did sigh. #storyofafuckedupkiddo'slife #wrecker #nowyouknow