t.o.r.n

See,what if the two things you want most, contradicts each other.
Start listing the pros and cons.
And then if you really can't come up with a choice, ignore the whole situation and curl up into a ball make the heartache go away and sleep.

times have changed and so have i.

If you're gonna keep this up, you better be doing this smart. Because this try-to-make-her-jealous move you're trying, i think its backfiring on you. And yes as much as i hate to admit this, i guess i really have changed. So im sorry. to you. and a little to myself too.

17 and married.

Ha ha ha what a blog title. So im 17! I really wasn't expecting much for 17 because well, 17 is just, no where. Maybe that's exactly why i had so much fun, or maybe it was just the company. But either way, i had more fun then i thought i'll have :> I really do have the bestest friends in the world and everyday, well every other day to be exact, i thank (the lord?) for blessing me with such amazing people. I love all my friends, i really do. :') 

sadly, this is the only picture i have of today hahaha this is my husband LOL HAHAHA. 

do what i do best.

i dont even know what i want now, im just going with the flow. 

I am not catwoman but I can try.

So, after asking Someone if I should let my feelings for him flow naturally, someone said yes. So of course I let it come to me. And then about 12 hours later, someone said no. The deciding part is easy if he said no because...it just is. So now that I have let it out, I need to use more strength to take it back in and not like him. And now, Someone just asked how I am feeling today. Truth is, I feel like dying. But I replied pretty good. because I know if I answered the truth, it'll eat at Someone. if you get this post, it means we're pretty close LOL.

#storyofmylife

If you're constantly checking this space out and/or reading this, it means you should know im a screwed up little kiddo. When i'm feeling extreme, be it extremely happy, or sad, or pissed, or irritated, just basically any emotion there is out there to feel, i go crazy, do stupid things, say things without processing it first and just about any other retarded things there are to do (except getting a tattoo). So..... last night was one such night.

One hell of a night. Sorry really is the hardest word to say. I had to get a friend to slap me, another one to scold me via bbm and another who refused to slap but finally decided to pinch my thigh, to finally ball up and apologize. I fucking hurt (i think, im quite confident though) someone who mattered. quite a lot in fact. I can't even remember when was the last time i really hurt anyone. So when i finally balled up to apologize, I was so prepared for anything he wanted to lash out on me, like how much of a bad friend i am, how im screwed up in the head, anything at all...but he just kept quiet and said its ok. His ''its ok'' was so painful i fucking cried LOL HAHAHA yup i did. Its like you know its not ok but he still says it anyway. Its more painful than anything you can imagine. Sigh, I am utterly disgusted and disappointed with myself im not even allowing myself to feel anything because i dont deserve it. i am so screwed up i dont even deserve friends like him. 

Nvm, i hope this doesnt affect our friendship though im quite sure it already did sigh. #storyofafuckedupkiddo'slife #wrecker #nowyouknow

its 11.39 on a monday and im not home.

Hi everyone. I'm at, a secret location. As much as i want to let you guys know, i have sworn (well, almost) to secrecy. I am extremely tired, my eyelids are crazyass heavy and are threatening to close any minute now. I had two cupcakes today. Both were awesome. And anw, I really wanted to fast, i really did. But at about 1am there was a cupcake offer, i couldnt resist! hehe. So i'm going to start fasting tmr! :) Except my version is, im just gonna wake up eat that meal, and try to last the whole day. hehehe. Ok, a song to cheer everyone up. Its not really a happy song, but it just sounds happy haha.